


a pain greater than emptiness

by katkeransuloinen



Category: Bleach
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:15:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26199181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katkeransuloinen/pseuds/katkeransuloinen
Summary: Even a Tsunayashiro has emotions.Seinosuke gets to witness this firsthand.
Relationships: Jūshirō Ukitake/Tokinada Tsunayashiro, Tokinada Tsunayashiro/Seinosuke Yamada ( one-sided )
Kudos: 8





	a pain greater than emptiness

Sixty-eight days.

Sixty-eight days since the Quincy invasion had been dealt with, leaving the Seireitei in a state of horrific disrepair.

Tokinada, however, had paid no attention to such things. 

Only one Quincy made the mistake of approaching his estate, and they were dispatched the moment he laid eyes on them.

The only thing that was of any interest to him was the brain of Quincy Gremmy Thoumeaux he'd paid a lowly Shinigami to recover for him.

The last component he needed to stabilise Hikone, which Seinosuke helped with.

Now, Tokinada sat with a blanket around his shoulders, leaned over the table with a pen in hand.

Every day and night, he planned.

Aura had been sending him information from the World of the Living every day, as more and more people joined Xcution. 

This was the fifth day he was running on less than two hours of sleep, struggling at times to even remain upright. 

When Tokinada opened his eyes after what felt like only a few minutes, he looked down to find the ink smeared across the page and the sun beginning to peek in through the windows. 

"Damn it..." He mumbled, rubbing his eyes with a yawn. With his sleeve, he managed to wipe the dried ink from his cheek. 

Luckily, the writing was still somewhat legible so he could rewrite it with ease. 

Whether Tokinada wanted to actually do it was a different story entirely. 

He found himself staring down at his desk, letting the dim, early morning light begin to overtake the nighttime darkness. 

Something hadn't been right in months. 

Something was wrong.

"Lord Tsunayashiro," An unexpected voice spoke from just outside the room. "Your breakfast will be ready soon." 

"Thank you." Tokinada responded just barely the sound of trees rustling outside. 

"Also, a message will be arriving from Captain Commander Kyoraku soon. I am unsure of what it entails but it is very important." 

"Alright." 

Though he couldn't see her, she bowed despite that and quietly shut the door. 

Clearly his feeling was correct.

Something was wrong.

Wrong and important enough for that idiot Shunsui to bite his tongue long enough to send him a message.

Tokinada lowered his head until his forehead touched the tabletop. 

Perhaps he'd become so sleep deprived that it was messing with his intuition. 

That could at least make him feel more comfortable. 

He closed his eyes, letting out a little laugh.

Sleep deprivation. 

What a silly little thing. 

~~

Every corner of the room was illuminated now. 

A cup of warm tea sat at his side with the faintest wisp of steam still flowing from it. 

With a long stretch and languid hands, he lifted the cup up from the floor and up to his lips. 

Miss Tsukada had always been the best at the art of brewing tea, no other servant could compare. 

Tokinada's eyes were still blurred with exhaustion, blankly staring at the wall as he sipped at the rapidly cooling beverage.

The silence.

How silent the estate had become over the years. 

Empty.

Silent.

Cold.

Tokinada suddenly found his cup empty, but he couldn't find it in him to even care. 

That feeling hadn't dissipated. 

Then, the door quietly opened once more, but he'd heard it this time.

A meek little voice spoke, one that shook with nervousness and inexperience. "L-Lord Tsunayashiro, I come with a message-- a message from Captain Commander Kyoraku." 

Tokinada took a moment before responding, not bothering to give the young servant a single glance. "And what does he have to say for himself?"

"He says, Captain of Squad Thirteen and head of the Ukitake family, Jushiro Ukitake, died during the Quincy Invasion." The servant managed to relay the message concisely and without stumbling over his words. "He sends his condolences to the head of the Tsunayashiro clan but no other details." 

Every word seemed to echo. 

Every word felt like he'd been stabbed. 

Tokinada didn't move a single centimetre, not even his expression shifted at first. 

Then, a chuckle fell past his lips with a pained smile beginning to form. 

"Jushiro," He spoke, as if he were alone. "Jushiro's dead?"

The servant sat in front of the door, completely silent as he saw his superior begin shaking with laughter. 

He couldn't stop laughing. 

"Finally!" Tokinada exclaimed, his hand over his eyes as his hysterical laughter only persisted. "That moron's body finally gave out like it should've years ago!"

_Why am I laughing?_

With a frightened expression, the servant only observed his outburst for a few moments before silently shutting the door and running off. 

The moment that door shut, Tokinada felt how his eyes began to sting and overflow. 

_Jushiro's dead._

Tears fell through his hands as his laughter devolved into nothing but silent sobs, hunched over the table with every droplet of water landing on his writing paper. 

As much as he wanted to continue, Tokinada attempted to straighten himself up and dry up the wetness with his sleeve. 

_So what if he's dead._

_I can't change it._

Tokinada took in a deep breath, swallowing back dryly in an attempt to rid himself of the lump in his throat. 

In the midst of collecting himself, the door opened once again.

Kakyo's death hadn't even hurt this badly.

_That damn servant, I'll kill him._

_Walking in at a time like--_

"Lord Tokinada!" Hikone exclaimed in a happy voice. "I'm back!"

Tokinada tensed up somewhat, his hand just centimetres away from Enrakyoten-- which lay sheathed at his side.

"Hello Hikone."

"Mister Yamada walked me home! He said he needs to talk to you!"

He didn't turn to look at Hikone, rather, he stared down with his hands now in his lap.

"Thank you very much. You may have the rest of the day to yourself, Hikone." 

"Really? Oh thank you so much, Lord Tokinada! You are incredibly kind!"

Hikone didn't hesitate to scurry off to find something to do. 

Still, another silent presence lingered in the room.

Tokinada waited for the footsteps to disappear down the veranda to bury his face into his hands. "You may leave. I'm no longer in the mood to discuss anything." 

"You speak as though something's happened." Seinosuke said with his typical barely interested tone. "I've never seen you like this."

"Evidently you don't understand instructions when they're given. I told you to leave."

A somewhat lopsided smile appeared on Seinosuke's face. "You've always known me to do my own thing, haven't you? People beg me to let them die constantly, but I always bring them back to perfect health." 

Tokinada wasn't even listening at that point, not hesitating to grab Enrakyoten and unsheathe it. Before Seinosuke could finish his sentence, the tip of the blade was against his chest. 

Now that they were face to face, Seinosuke could see the remnants of tears on his cheeks. 

"If you don't leave this instant, I'll cut you down and dispose of your body in such a manner no one will ever be able to find it." 

Every word was as sharp as his sword, and very genuine; but the hands which held the threatening weapon trembled. 

Seinosuke's head tilted slightly. "Is that so? Well, if you desire for my life to end then I suppose I will give it up." Now, lifting his hand, he pressed the back of it against the blade and gently pushed it away. "However, you're acting this way for a reason."

Tokinada's eyes slowly widened, briefly unable to comprehend what was happening. 

_I feel like I'm dying._

_I just want this pain to go away._

_I want it to stop._

_I don't want to feel anything._

The tears stung even more this time, his fingers loosening before Enrakyoten slipped from his hand. 

It hit the ground with a thud. 

His knees couldn't hold him upright as he joined his sword on the floor. Once the tears began spilling over, Tokinada couldn't stop them.

"He's gone," Tokinada spoke, his voice shaking with the pain evident. He could hardly catch his breath as he hid his face in his hands. "I haven't seen him in eighty years and he's gone."

Seinosuke simply watched before lowering himself to Tokinada, kneeling against the ground. He raised a hand to rest atop his head. 

The noble's mind was so clouded and hazy with grief, he threw his arms around the figure and buried his face into his shoulder. 

Every day Seinosuke heard the wails and cries of people verging on death, and he'd very rarely witnessed such sorrow. 

He had a decent idea of what had happened. 

With gentle touches, Seinosuke slowly enveloped the man in a warm hug, his hand rubbing circles into his back in an attempt to soothe him. 

In a weak, barely audible voice, Tokinada spoke against the fabric.

"Jushiro is gone, he's gone."

That hit him.

Seinosuke kept quiet.

_Everyone must've gotten such messages today._

_'Captain of Squad Four, Retsu Unohana, died during the Quincy Invasion. Captain Commander Kyoraku sends his condolences.'_

As much as it hurt his heart to see Tokinada like this, he couldn't help but crack a smile. 

"It'll be okay, it'll be okay." Seinosuke murmured softly. 

_Such emotion coming from a Tsunayashiro._

_And over a lesser noble._

Seinosuke continued to hold the despairing head of the Tsunayashiro family, looking down at the floor. 

_How shocking._

_I suppose you feel emotion after all._

_How unfortunate all of it was placed into a dead man._


End file.
